Living Your Best Mom Life—Interview with Darlene Morant

This is a different post. I sat down with fellow mom and mom coach, Darlene Morant. We talked about living your best mom life and how she had to shift from her fantasy of being a mom to the reality of it. Also, we talked about how she shifted, even her career, so it is more centered around helping moms.

We get into everything when it comes to living your best mom life—birth stories, kids, best advice for moms.

Let’s get into the interview.

Living  Your Best Mom Life with Darlene Morant

Jodie the Mom: Hey moms, so Darlene is with us today. She is a fellow mom, momtrepreneur, and host of the live Instagram show Sit and Spill, where she talks about all things life, motherhood and business. Darlene, welcome to the show.

Darlene: Thank you for having me.

Jodie the Mom: Let’s start with the preliminaries. How many kids do you have and what are their age ranges?

Darlene: I have four via cesarean section. They are 13, 12, 11, and 10.

Jodie the Mom: Nice. So you’re about to have a house full of teenagers?

Darlene: Oh, don’t remind me. Yes, I am. But as we were talking about, my parenting situation is different. So my ex-husband is about to have a house full of teenagers. When they’re with me, I have a house full of teenagers.

Living Your Best Mom Life: Reality vs Fantasy

Jodie the Mom: So they will keep you on your toes, for sure. So in your biography that I had the privilege of reading, you mentioned this line, and it’s so intrigued me that I wanted to talk about it. You said, “Prior to having children, I had created this fantasy in my head as to what child rearing and adulting would be like, I can now say boldly, it was not based in reality.”

There’s just so much to unpack in that one statement, because, I think, so many of us, especially as we’re getting to be more mature, we’re not 20s anymore, we’re just mature, we can look back and be like, “oh, so our parents were right.” All these people who were in their 40s or 50s, at the time, and gave us all this wisdom that were just like, “No, no, I know what I’m doing.”

So tell me, like, what was the fantasy that you had created in your head about motherhood and adulting?

Darlene: One, I thought that it would be best to wait, that was my first thing. It would be best to wait because my mom had me when she was 44. So I should do my career and travel and do all of that at first. And then I thought, have four. I don’t know what, I was thinking with that. My mom had five, you know, some of it was based on what I think I wanted it to be. And that is totally a fantasy, you know, I was going to breastfeed and they were just going to come out of the womb ready to go to the breast, you know, that was gonna happen.

I would just be raising these beautiful babies, I wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I was going to homeschool. That’s the fantasy that I created that I was talking about. And my fantasy was very elaborate. As you can see from the homeschooling, I had years planned out in this fantasy of homeschooling children and breastfeeding.

And what happened was, I became a mom. Right in succession. My first was preemie, and then right after that I was pregnant. And then after that I was pregnant, and then after that I was pregnant. So it didn’t give me much space to say, “Oh, okay, maybe I can have this one. And we can have this wonderful breastfeeding journey and then, you know, prepare for the next.” Then it just started to snowball in the opposite end of my fantasy, really quickly.

Jodie the Mom: So how far apart are your first two?

Darlene: They’re about 14 months apart.

Jodie the Mom: Okay. My first three are all two years apart. Then my last three are like four years and then three years. So I broke it up a little bit more.

Darlene: Yeah, I think all of them, except for the last two, are about 14 months apart. Okay. I mean, I was just pregnant. I was pregnant for four out of five years.

Jodie the Mom: Yeah, that is that’s a lot.

Darlene: It is a lot. And I lived through the fantasy for those four out of five years because being pregnant for me was a dream. So I was able to maintain the fantasy until one started walking.

Then I was like, okay, so I can’t just sit in a position and have that one sit too.  I am starting to have to chase one when I’m like nine months pregnant. And then I have two hands, and now I have three babies. What are we doing? It was it was a lot.

And the adulting part is where that came in. I’m like, who knew there was going to be diapers 24/7? I mean, did I not think that somebody was going to be here to help me with this? My husband at the time was working, you know, and working a lot because now I had to be home. So, you know, my friends, they stay for the cushy part, and then they left.

Jodie the Mom: The baby Snuggles. Yes, that’s the best part.

Darlene: That’s what I meant by that statement. And now I’m totally honest with moms, I tell them exactly what’s gonna happen. Like, it’s gonna be a crap show. Things are gonna just fall apart, you’re not gonna know what you’re doing. And you’re gonna cry, and you’re gonna want to cry. And it’s just not, you know, it’s just not gonna go like you plan. So prepare for.

Jodie the Mom: So would you say reality kind of hit you upside the head then?

Darlene: For sure. It did. And I didn’t always handle it well. It hit me upside the head, and I did not always handle it well. Now that they’re older, I’m a much more present parent now, than I was when we started.

Changing Careers

Jodie the Mom: Were you working? You were you were building your career before you had children.

Darlene: I was building my career before I started having children. I was working in corporate then. After I started having children, I pivoted to working with children. So that’s when I became a newborn care specialist.

Newborns are, for me, a sweet spot. Once we start getting out of the newborn stage, that’s when the crap starts to happen.

Jodie the Mom: Once you start having to chase them. When they’ll just lay there and coo and giggle, it’s great. Once you have to start chasing them. I’m like, okay, then everything starts happening.

Darlene: I agree with you. Electric sockets and things that you have to cover up. Gates to install and, you know, stairs. Once you have to start to maneuver, and then you’re maneuvering with more than one. Your entire birthing life, story changes drastically.

Jodie the Mom: Yeah, and then just recovering from the C-sections. I can’t imagine. I’ve never had one. But I cannot imagine.

Darlene: You had natural births?.

Jodie the Mom: Yeah, so three, I had an epidural. And then three, I had drug free because they were so fast. The two were not by choice one was.

Darlene: My second one, I went into labor on the day of my C-section. I was so grateful that we were going to be cutting. So I kind of started to have both. Then I was like yeah, I am totally not about it.

Even though, like you said, the hindsight and you know, the crapshoot and all the things that went through it. I’m like, yeah, C-sections were definitely the way to go for me. What I’m left with is the diastasis recti. And yeah, you know, I had a herniated navel the second time. He was massive, he was 8 pounds 14 ounces.

And so my body has not quite recovered. That area has not recovered. Meaning my tummy, the part that my children went to come to a pat. That’s the spot that they touch. Then it jiggles. Then it sends an electric shock to my brain and I’m like, freaking out. And then I try to answer the question that’s being asked.

Jodie the Mom: I know they still do that to me. I mean, even with regular deliveries, I still have that.

Darlene: Right, it’s is that spot. I mean, it never really recovered. Now giving birth is such a beautiful and traumatic experience.

Jodie the Mom: Yeah, that is a really good way to put it.

Okay, so you started in corporate and then you had kids and you pivoted to newborn care. So then how did you get from there to running your coaching business for moms now? Do you just work with new moms or do you work with any moms?

Darlene: I work with moms. Now, it is moms that are in their 40s that have plenty of children. Whether you have 2, 4, 6? I mean, I know a mom I’m not working with her right now, but she has 12. She has all boys. And I remember when I heard it, my brain just said, what’s happening? My brain instantly slowed down.

Jodie the Mom: Yeah, well, she’ll never have to move a piece of furniture for the rest of her life.

Darlene: That’s a great way to look at it.

So I transitioned. When I finished having children, I was pushing into my 40s. And now, they’re still little, and I’m in my 40s. The things that I’ve had to go through with perimenopause, and my brain starting to shift and my hormones shifting all the time. Unfortunately, I’ve gone through a divorce now, and all of those things happening in my 40s. I was like, there’s got to be a way to help moms go through this time period. Because I believe wholeheartedly that had I gone through some of this in my 30s, I was better capable. In my forties, there’s just some things that have shifted.

Jodie the Mom: I think it’s almost physically too, because I had my first three in my 20s. Then my next three, in my 30s, and later 30s. So now I’m in my 40s, with a two year old, and I’m like, I can’t believe I had three toddlers and was doing it by myself.

At least like now I have my three older kids, who really pitch in and help. But it’s a huge difference even between the 20s and 30s. Between those two decades, it is just a difference on your body physically and mentally.

Your Best Mom Life in Your 40s

Darlene: You understand exactly what I’m talking about. You probably have a lot more insight into it, than what I’m actually now talking about. You’re not just a mom in your 40s with the children that you had in your 40s.

You remember what your body did in your 20s, your 30s. And now that you’re in your 40s, and like you said you have a two year old, your brain is, for want of a better word, in a fog at times. That you did not have when you’re in your 20s, it’s a different thing.

So I created a safe space for mothers to be able to unpack some of those things. And an acronym called rest. Giving them permission to get relaxation, experience, strength and testimony. Because we’re going through a lot. And some of the things we don’t talk about, even with our best friends.

But with other women that are going through it, the judgment of some mom saying, “Oh, you did it like this?” You know, I’m like, no, don’t bring that here. I did it how it worked for me, right.

So that’s, that’s how I transitioned into working with moms.

Pre-Kid Vows that Always End Up Broken

Jodie the Mom: Okay, so I am curious, just to go back to the fantasy versus reality. So did you find yourself doing anything that you vowed you would never do pre-kids? You know how we always have those things. “When I have kids, I’m never going to do that.” So was there anything that you found yourself doing, once you had kids, that you always said you would never do?

Darlene: The one thing for me was the television, I was never going to plot my kids in front of a television. And to my credit, my children have what is it called gadget time? Now they have designated gadget time. So there is no plopping in front of the TV. But in order to do that, we didn’t have a television for quite some time. However, once we did have a television, I did implement that some days. It was just so right here. Because mom just needed to, I needed to gather my own thoughts. That was one of the things I had sworn I would never do.

That had to be the biggest one, was the TV because I’m big into reading and you know, doing artwork and the children doing that kind of thing. But that also included me.

Jodie the Mom: No, like when do you get a break from these things? I totally I’m getting you. Like when do you actually find like time to just take a break? You can’t even go to the bathroom. Especially if you have three toddlers, you can’t even go to the bathroom without being interrupted.

Darlene: There is no more going to the bathroom by yourself. There is no more eating your favorite snack by yourself. There is no more silence in your head. Do you ever realize that when your children are asleep or the only the only time and even then, because you’re so programmed you hear is their baby screaming.

It changes your entire perspective on who you who you’re going to be. And for a while I lost myself in that and lost myself in motherhood. Thinking, okay, am I doing this wrong? Am I doing this right? And the guilt of it messed me up getting into my 40s.

Overcoming Mom Guilt so You Can Live Your Best Mom Life

Jodie the Mom: That was actually my next question. Because I think mom guilt is so like prevalent, we have memes on it. And you know, we always joke about it. But the reality is, we all carry it. So as you coach your clients, and I’m sure you address this issue, like what is your advice for dealing with the different aspects of mom guilt?

Darlene: Mom guilt is an individual process, because the things that I feel guilt for, are definitely not the same things that you are going to feel guilt for. It is an individual system for each person. How you address where this guilt comes from. But that is the thing to do. First, find out the root. What are you feeling guilty for? And why will I feel guilty? Because if your child has one cookie before dinner one night, it’s not going to ruin the entire vegetarian diet, you’ve got them on for three years.

Jodie the Mom: I’m just thinking of this, as we’re talking like, a lot has to do with our expectations. Like we want to raise our kids, and we don’t want to mess them up. I think that’s at the heart of everything. We just don’t want to mess up our kids. And so then we end up going to like this extreme of, you know, feeling guilty over the cookie, and we’ve ruined their diet for the rest of their lives.

Darlene: You’re laughing because you know about this.

Jodie the Mom: Oh, I’m like, “Yes, I totally get it.” But I think the thing is, and you had hit on it so well, is I wouldn’t change it. Through all of the poopy diapers and being pooped on and peed on and all of that kind of stuff. Like I really wouldn’t change anything about it.

Darlene: And that’s the thing, you wouldn’t change the experience. However, you get to now change how you rear them? And how you rear yourself?

Yeah, that’s adulting. Because for some reason, for me personally, when I started having children, like a certain part of me stopped so that I could do all these things that I thought I was supposed to be doing.

Now that I’ve gone through so much stuff, and had so many conversations with people who are just like, I don’t know, I don’t know who I am anymore. My name is not mom. It is Darlene. And what does that look like? What does that feel like? How do I preserve that?

So those are honest questions that we do ask, and that I do ask my clients in the group when we talk about it from a non-judgmental way. It’s your story

Jodie the Mom: Right, how are you going to write it. Yeah, you get to do that.

So what is the most common concern that you address with your clients about being a mom?

Mom Concerns

Darlene: It is to not lose yourself. Because we are rearing children that are looking at us. Even if we’re teaching them to be an electrician, or they said this week they want to be a pilot. We steer them in that way to help them with that. But we still have dreams, we still have our own things that we love to do. We still have the things that make our heart sing so that we can be great for them. And to do that we need to remember who we are.

Every day is like a constant thing to wake up in the morning. Whether it’s morning is best for you or night is best for you, just take those five minutes, and center yourself. What is going to make my day go great.

If I get the children to school on time, that sets up my morning. Great. Then I’m getting up so that I can get them to school on time. Some for some moms is getting them there five minutes late every day. They couldn’t care because they’ve already gotten something else going. Yeah. So there’s, what is your rhythm in doing that?

Jodie the Mom: And it’s unique to everyone.

Darlene: It’s unique to everyone.

Favorite Part of being a Mom

Jodie the Mom: Okay, so what is your favorite part of being a mom. And then what is also your favorite part of being a momtrepreneur, because you are both.

Darlene: My favorite part of being a mom is now the conversations I get to have with my children. Because I took way more pictures that I was that I needed to. So whenever I need to pull something together, I can get pictures of them from when they were little, and I show it to them. And we have these conversations and like, “Oh, you’re so cute.” And I love having conversations with them right now that they’re older. That’s my favorite part. And when they were little, I didn’t do baby talk, it’s one of my things. So they have very well versed speaking, some of the words that they come up with, I don’t want to hear. But I listen. And you know, we love.

The best thing about being a momtreperneur is the legacy. I always wanted to be an entrepreneur. And when I became a mom, I started to shift a little and told myself that I was probably going to be just a mom, and there is no such thing.

So growing up to figure that part out. I’ve gotten back to the part where whatever I build has to leave a legacy for my children. And that’s what sparks my joy. That’s what gets me up in the morning. That’s what makes haters me damned tick. There’s gonna be something that my children will be able to look back on or be a part of.

Advice if Your Mom Reality is Shaken so You can Live Your Best Mom Life

Jodie the Mom: That is awesome. Okay, and so, for the final question, and then I do want you to share where everyone can find you. What piece of advice would you give to new moms who find their reality shaken?

Darlene: Call your best friend. The moment you start to shake and feel like this is not what I signed up for? I guarantee you that that day is coming. You put that baby down in the crib, someplace safe, you walk away and you call your friend. A person that’s gonna listen, not the person that’s gonna pass judgment. Someone that’s really gonna listen to you. And just lay it all out. Tell you friend you know, he’s been crying all day. I haven’t had a shower. I didn’t sign up for this.

They will hear you out. They will talk you through. And then they’ll talk you down. And you can go back to your beautiful bean that you created.

Because you have made your own people. Once you have children you created your own people and you are their leader. That meme is true.

Jodie the Mom: So where can everyone find you?

Darlene: Right now everyone can find me on Instagram that is my chosen social media. And you can also find me on my website.

The reason for that is I love being able to have conversations like this one, whether it be a 10 minute conversation, or sometimes it ends up being a 30 minute conversation. Just to just hold space for you, hold space for moms, hold space so that they know.

Jodie the Mom: Awesome. I am so glad you joined me today. I really enjoyed the conversation.

Darlene: Thank you for having me.

Conclusion: Your Best Mom Life

Mom, I really hope you enjoyed the conversation. Sometimes we just need to hear from other moms and know that we aren’t alone on this journey of our best mom life. It is good to know that frustrations and the mom guilt is not unique to just you. We all experience it, and it is good to hear it from other moms.