I have a mom confession to make. I’ve really wanted to write on this topic of group think, and how do we as parents teach our kids to be independent thinkers. But I kept pushing it down the calendar. Other ideas pop into my head, and I decide to write on them instead because it is easier. It is so much easier to write on how to create a high school transcript or what to do for summer with all your kids. These topics aren’t hard.
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I am finally confronted with this one again, and the calendar won’t let me put it off any longer. But the flip-side is, I really want to write about it. Group think is a real thing, and we need to teach our kids how to spot it and keep from being sucked into the vortex.
I always hesitate to write on parenting because I feel like my kids need to be 30 first. Then I will receive my parent bona fides, and only then am I fully qualified to talk on parenting topics. On the other hand, I have been doing this parenting thing for a while, and I think we can chat on parenting topics.
As parents, we all want to launch our kids into the world with the tools they need to handle every situation. From the time they are toddlers, we are teaching them to be independent—get themselves dressed, use the potty by themselves (one of my favorite milestones), feed themselves—the list could go on and on. But as they get older, we start to shift from the things they need to do for themselves to learning to be independent thinkers. Teaching kids to be independent thinkers and recognizing the trap of group think is an important skill to teach them.
What is Group Think?
When I took one of my “some college” classes, and I can’t remember which one. They talked about a study on group think. I can’t remember all the details, just the results. So here is my interpretation. The study conducted put one person in the group that didn’t know what was going on. Then they held up an object, let’s say a banana, and everyone in the group said it was an apple. The bewildered test subject, not knowing what was happening, agreed with the group. The banana was indeed an apple.
Group think is usually the result of wanting consensus in the group. It is a desire for harmony and cohesiveness in the group. Even if it means sacrificing what you know to be true and your belief system. In our culture that has lost the art of genuine debate and disagreement, this is more and more prevalent. As a parent, I find this to be totally crazy, but it has been proven to be true. So how do we teach our kids to be independent thinkers and not fall into the trap of group think?
Where Does Knowledge Come From
We soak up knowledge from everywhere. What we read, watch, observe, these are all places we gain knowledge. Then as we put these pieces together we start forming ideas and opinions about topics.
I think the classical education trivium helps to explain this well. The three stages are grammar, logic, and rhetoric. The first stage, logic, is where children amass knowledge. They may not understand it all but there is a heavy focus on just learning facts and memorizing them.
The second stage, logic, is understanding. This stage starts to assimilate all the facts and memorization learned in the first stage.
The final and third stage, rhetoric or wisdom, is the stage where students learn to present the assimilated facts in logically-formed arguments. While this is a specific teaching method, it helps to understand how kids grow and think. Also, how knowledge is gained.
What to Think or How to Think?
So how do we start teaching our kids to be independent thinkers? Some would say, “Just teach them how to think, not what to think.” Well, that’s a nice ambiguous statement. How do we actually do it?
We do want to teach our kids how to think, but this is the end result. One of my favorite podcasters always says kids need to know what to think first. You need to start with what to think. Kids can’t reach the point of how to think without first amassing knowledge and facts. In order to understand complex equations they first need to know that 2+2=4 and build from there. But the end result in all this knowledge is to know how to think.
These two ideas need to work together, so your kids don’t group think, not against each other.
Low Information Individuals Contribute to Group Think
Group think is very prevalent among low information people. These are people who typically stick with the headlines for all their information. They really never crack a book with anything meaningful in it.
If you want to banish group think and teach your kids to be independent thinkers, then you need to teach them to be high information people. This means reading a lot and reading from a number of resources.
The Tools Needed to Banish Group Think and Teach Your Kids to be Independent Thinkers
Here are some tools to teach your kids to be independent thinkers and to banish group think.
1. Asking good questions
This is an important one. We’ve all heard, “There is no such thing as a stupid question.” Mom, let me blow your mind. There are a number of stupid questions, and you’ve probably been asked them. Stupid questions do exist. Usually, due to the fact that people are lazy and don’t want to try to find the answer to a question.
If you want to teach your kids how to be independent thinkers, teach them how to ask good questions. These need to be well-thought out questions.
A good question is thought out, it come from a place of genuine curiosity, and with the intention of learning something new or building on previous knowledge.
2. Teach them how to find answers
I admit that I’ve forgotten everything I ever knew about Algebra and Chemistry. It is a serious disadvantage because I really can’t help my kids with these subjects. As I was lamenting this with my husband one day, he dropped this gem of wisdom on me. It is more important to give them the tools they need to find the answer, then to help them get to the answer.
Show them where to find the answers to hard questions. Teach them how to determine if the information is good or not. Show them not to be afraid of opposing views.
3. Wrestle with knowledge
It is ok to wrestle with facts and take your time to reach a conclusion. I think this is more of a sign of an honest intellectual. Just because everyone is saying it, doesn’t mean it is true. Our culture has become so lazy when it comes to wrestling with knowledge. We depend on sound bites and don’t take the time to really research the facts, dig into the motivations, and understand what’s behind it. This takes time and is not always easy, so we just give up on it.
4. Facts vs opinion
I know every elementary language arts class will take the students through this exercise of determining facts and opinions. The problem is when people start to believe their own opinions are facts.
Fact is a very narrow definition that can quickly turn into opinion. For example, “science” is proclaimed as all factual, but in reality it is a lot of opinion that is drawn from a very narrow set of facts. There are a number of scientific procedures that have changed because the “facts” changed. Teach your kids how to spot the very narrow facts and the abundance of opinions.
5. Thick skin
If you kids are going to swim against the tide of group think, then they will need to have a thick skin. One way to help them with this, is to teach them that if someone disagrees with you it is not a personal attack. Many times conversations disintegrates because the art of having a disagreement has been lost.
It is ok to disagree. You can still be friends if you don’t agree on everything. It is healthy to have your opinions challenged because you will grow. You will either be more certain of them, or you will shift them. This is not easy and it requires a thick skin.
Conclusion: Banish Group Think and be an Independent Thinker
“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.” Mark Twain
This is not an easy thing to teach our kids. It is a constant learning experience. You are probably still learning it as well. We don’t reach a destination when it comes to being an independent thinker. It is a journey or constant learning, growing, shifting, and changing.
Have you ever experienced group think? How do you teach your kids to be independent thinkers?
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