All the moms are bragging online about how to homeschool their kids and create a sense of wonder and curiosity about the world. But what do you do if your kid despises school?
There is a lot of pressure we place on ourselves. How to homeschool in the face of critics (or your own critic)? I need to ignite a love of reading in my children. We need to be in nature. I need to do all the activities for a well-rounded education. Have I failed if my first grader isn’t doing algebra?
On and on these thoughts travel through our minds at three in the morning. But if your child despises school, then it is more pressure. It makes every day a battle and a fight. Which sucks your physical energy, your emotions, and leaves you feeling like a total failure. If your homeschool life was a disaster, there are reasons for it. But if your child despises school, you don’t need to stay there. It is possible to create motivated learners.
It is possible to break these patterns and change your story. You can rewrite it, mom.
Why Does My Child Despise School
You don’t want to just treat the symptoms, but you want to find the cause of this attitude. Did your child have a bad experience? Is there a learning challenge that makes it frustrating? Or has your child just pushed the boundaries and bad behaviors are the default response?
You can change the narrative of your story. School doesn’t need to be daily struggle, but it needs to start with identifying the cause. Only you know your circumstances. Get a notebook or journal, and start writing done what you think the cause is.
Talk it out with your husband, mom, or friend who knows your child. Sometimes we just need another perspective on our situation. Remember, if you want to get to the cause, you may need to hear some hard truths. So talk to someone you can trust and whose default is not to criticize.
If you need to rule in or rule out a learning challenge, then find someone who can help with that. Don’t be afraid of the labels. This doesn’t mean you need to tell everyone, but it will help you to understand how to teach your child. It will also point you in the right direction to find the tools you need to teach in a way that will work for your child.
How to Homeschool and Change the Narrative
Now that you’ve identified the problem or at least have an idea, it is time to change the narrative. This isn’t going to be easy to do because it requires changing habits. This is a step-by-step process. Don’t try to overhaul everything in one day.
Start with one thing to change. Just one. Pick the easiest one. You need a quick win. Mom, you need to feel like you are winning for life. And your child needs a quick win too. You want to get off the struggle bus when it comes to school, so don’t exchange one struggle bus for another.
Make a list of what you need to work on, and then start with the easiest item on the list.
Does your child despise school because he is frustrated with reading? Then start reading aloud together. Take the pressure off of reading. Pick stories that he will enjoy and read them together.
Is he frustrated with math? Is there a concept that he is not understanding? Put math in a different context. Baking is great context for math because the rewards are so sweet.
Look at your list and pick the quickest win.
5 Strategies on How to Homeschool When My Child Despises School
Now that you’ve identified the reason, you worked on a quick win, it is time to really change things up. Here are 5 tips to help your child not despise school.
1. Change how you teach
I like the structure and order of textbooks and planners. All these things make my brain happy and calm. Just because I like these things doesn’t mean my kids do. It is easy to fall into those things that are familiar and comfortable for us. But your child may have a different learning style. Teach to his learning style.
My oldest son is a strong read write learning style. I can hand him 50 books for the school year, and he doesn’t bat an eye. Give him a stack of textbooks, and he is instantly overwhelmed. My second son is more visual, if I hand him 50 books for the school year he would despise school.
The most important thing you can do for your children is teach to their learning style.
If your son is a hands-on learner, then play games. Depending on the game, you could cover reading, math, geography, history, and logic. Explore outside, that’s science. There are so many ways to learn outside of the textbooks. Here are 15 everyday homeschool activities.
If your daughter is an audio learner, then let her listen to books. The foundation for all learning is a love of reading. Do everything you can to encourage a love of reading. Listen to silly stories. Encourage her to read along with the actual book while she listens.
There’s more than one way to learn and school. As someone who is completely self-taught in almost everything. The most important lesson you can teach your kids is how to find the answers to their questions. In life, we don’t seek answers in textbooks. Give yourself permission to think outside of the textbook. Or just change the textbook. There are so many options out there, you may just need to change your curriculum.
If your child despises school, then change how you teach. And change your curriculum.
2. Change habits, behaviors, and attitudes
It is very easy to fall into the familiar habits and behaviors. Your child may despise school because this is the pattern of behavior that he is used to. A big part of how to homeschool when your child despises school is changing behavior, habits, and attitudes.
I know, some days it is just easier to look the other way or pretend we didn’t see something. We are tired of hearing our own voice say the same things over and over again. I am with you mom. But I am going to say the hard things because I need to hear it too. This doesn’t help our kids. Or ourselves in the long run.
If you child is used to waking up every morning complaining about school, then change this behavior. It is probably just a bad habit that needs to be broken. Start with what are your grateful for every morning. Don’t look for anything deep. Just something that he can be grateful for.
Gratitude starts to rewire the brain. It reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety. It helps reduce stress and improves sleep quality.
This step is going to be hard. Look at all of your parenting. Are there behaviors that you indulged? Have attitudes gone unchecked? Are there words that were excused?
If you want to change your narrative, then you need to change your bad habits too. Start with one thing. Go for the easy win. Explain to your children what you expect from them, and then stick to it. The foundation for all parenting is to simply be consistent. Yes, it will be hard at first because your kids are going to test you. Stay consistent, and you will see a change.
Identify the attitudes, bad habits, or behaviors that need to change. Pick one to work on. Set your expectations with your children. Then be consistent.
3. Make your kids responsible
The secret on how to homeschool well and create a love of learning in your kids is to give the gift of responsibility. This also creates independent learners.
Yes, this is going to be hard to start with. But one thing that I’ve seen with all my kids, they thrive with responsibility. You can start this in elementary school. I’ve started this in second grade, and it makes the rest of the school years so much easier.
Start with, nothing else happens until schoolwork is completed. Yes, my kids can take as many breaks as they want. But all the fun stuff is on hold until school is completed. And it is up to them to do it. Give them the schedule for the week, they need to check off when the subject is complete, and have them check their daily work.
Then show them how to find the answer to their questions. Whether that is using the internet, looking it up in books, or asking mom. Your kids needs to be responsible to get help when they need it…whatever that help looks like.
If your child despises school, then this will be a battle to start with. You just need to be more stubborn then your kids. If you are going to change your story, then you need to stick to it.
4. Get your kids input
Sometimes, we just need to listen to our kids. Not to dictate the plan because they will say never do schoolwork. But present your expectations to them, then ask them to tell you what the plan is. You might be surprised by what they say.
This will also give you more insight into why your child despises school.
5. Set clear expectations and be consistent
99% of good parenting is being consistent and meaning what you say. Many times kids just need clear expectations spelled out, and then they need to see that you will be consistent with them.
Don’t overdo the expectations. You want your kids to meet them, and you don’t want to be overwhelmed with being consistent. Start with one subject. Let your child know that you expect a minimum of 80% on all quizzes and tests (if you grade). That he will ask for help when needed. And it will be done without complaining (I know a hard one, but see point 2).
Remember, it is ok to say no. You are the parent, and you want the best for your child. Sometimes the best for your child is no.
Conclusion: How to Homeschool When Your Kid Despises School
Mom, I know it can be overwhelming to homeschool when every day is a struggle. And your struggles are unique to you. However, you aren’t alone in them. These tips and strategies are a tool you can use to change your story.
How are you going to rewrite your narrative? Let me know. If you have more questions, you can always send me an email.
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