Dont give up. That always seems like the best advice to give yourself and others? But is it?
I know, I know. Dont give up. I’ve handed out this nugget of wisdom to myself, my husband, and my kids. Most of the time, I would say it is the right advice. I think we should finish what we start. But sometimes this isn’t good advice.
I recently came across an article, and it was talking about how to never give up on anything. And the title caused me to pause. While I am a huge proponent of perseverance and grit. I had to stop and think. Aren’t there some things that we should give up? If we never give up on anything or quit, then we will never change and grow. Right?
Quitting Gets a Bad Rap
We probably quit more than we realize. If we never give up, then we don’t make room for something better. We only have 24-hours in a day, I know it stinks do you know what I could do with a 36-hour day.
In order to grow, we need to make room in our lives for something else. That can only happen when we give up something. Yes, there are times when we can add things, but in most cases we need to quit something in order to make room for something else.
While quitting sounds like a bad thing, it doesn’t always live up to its reputation.
Dont Give Up When You Feel Like
One of the most important things you need to know about quitting is timing. Sometimes we need to quit, and other times we just need to put on our big girl pants on and do the hard things.
Never quit when you feel like it. Yes, there are hard times, and we just want to give up. All moms feel that way now and again. But this is not the time to decide to quit.
A homeschool mom friend recently said to me, “I’ve been homeschooling 17 years, and I want to quit every February.”
Whether you are homeschooling, launching a business, or just doing life, there are going to be times you want to give up. This is a feeling all moms experience. You are not alone.
Never decide to give up when you are in the depths of feeling like you want to quit. These feelings will probably steer you in the wrong direction every single time. Wait until you are in a better place emotionally, and you can think through the pros and cons rationally.
I have been in this place many times. That’s why I need constant reminders and motivation to stick with this business. My husband reminds me to never decide when I am feeling like the best thing to do is just quit. He reminds to wait to make the decision. And, of course, when I wait, I always decide to keep going.
The Time that I Quit
Did you know this is not the first blog I started? Yep, there was another one, and it was terrible. I remember reaching the point of needing to quit. It wasn’t an emotional decision, but one that was based on rational reasoning.
You know what, I’ve never regretted that decision. If I didn’t make room by giving up on the old, tired blog, I wouldn’t have the capacity to publish this one.
Why You Should Quit
There are many reasons to quit and to keep going. Here are a few reasons to quit something.
Let me preface this whole post with this statement. I am not referring to your marriage relationship or relationships with your kids. This advice should stay on the surface of things rather than people. These deeper, more meaningful relationship issues should probably be dealt with in the more nuanced setting of a counselor’s office…not a blog post. I will say this, I think you should fight for these two relationships like your life depends on it. They are that important.
Now back to the more surface level of life. Here are 3 reasons dont give up is not always the best advice.
1. Quit to make room for something else
Sometimes for you to get to the next step, you need to end something. You only have 24 hours in a day. You can’t do everything (as much as we try). If you need to make room for something better, then you will need to quit something else.
2. If you haven’t seen success
I know we are told that if we just believe in ourselves hard enough, and chase our dreams with every fiber of our being, then we will see success. But what if this never happens?
How much of your life and resources are you going to invest in something before you spend it all? (Necessary Ending, Dr. Henry Cloud)
If you haven’t seen success, and I am not talking about overnight success, but success in a reasonable timeframe, then it may be time to quit.
3. If there is a better option
There are so many opportunities that come our way or that we make happen. If something better has landed in your lap, then quit. Don’t give up would definitely be the worst advice at a time like this.
When to Quit
I believe in natural endings. Whether you are dealing with a client from hell or playing a sport. Finding a natural conclusion is the best way to quit.
That can be the conclusion to the season or project, or it can just be two weeks’ notice (depending on your job).
Here are 3 tips to decide when to quit
1. Toxic environment or client
If you are in a place that is just destroying your heart, soul, and energy. It is not sustainable. You need to leave.
If you are in a place that is not equipping you to grow, but it is diminishing you, then decide to quit. (Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud).
Yes, think through the process when you aren’t in a state of high emotion. Then make your decision. You should always have a plan in place when you quit. What are your next steps once you make the decision?
If you are just dropping a difficult client, it may have no effect on you. But if you are quitting a full-time job, this will have a major impact on you and your family. Make the decision carefully.
2. After research, thought, and counsel
Never quit on a whim or flippantly. It is important to think through your decision, do your research, and ask for advice. These things are important.
Whenever you decide to quit, it will affect you (possibly) negatively in the short-term. Make sure you are prepared for this impact. Whether that is to save a certain amount of money. Make plans to move. Or get your resume up to date.
Think through the ramifications of this decision. How can you lessen the negative impact, and the steps you need to take to prepare for the change.
3. If it will be better for your family
At different times throughout our marriage, my husband has changed jobs. Not always because it was the best career move, but it was better for our family.
When I decided to start my virtual assistant business, this was made in large part because it would be better for my family. It was better to move from being a corporate workhorse to momtrepreneur.
That is why I call myself an accidental entrepreneur. It was much more comfortable working for someone else. Where I just executed the ideas and vision, I didn’t have to come up with those on my own. And I didn’t need to worry about my paycheck. It was always there. But it was better for my family for me to step out of my comfort zone, be my own boss, raise my kids, and enjoy my life.
When Dont Give Up is the Right Advice
I never tell anyone to quit flippantly. As a matter of fact, I think you should finish what you start. It is important to create a habit of finishing. This helps you keep going when things are hard, when you want to give up and you shouldn’t, and it creates the virtue of perseverance. Which many people are lacking.
Despite everything that I just wrote, I do think more times than not that it is better finish something and have it fail, then to put time into it and quit.
Here are 3 tips to when dont give up is the right advice
1. When it is hard
This is not a sign that it is time to give up. Anything worth doing is hard. Being a mom is hard. A homeschool mom is hard. It is hard being a momtrepreneur. Fighting mom burnout is hard. There are so many things in life that are hard. But this is not a reason to give up.
2. When it is uncomfortable
Sometimes things aren’t hard, they are just uncomfortable. We like to be comfortable. It is enjoyable to have our comfort food, our warm pjs, and slippers. I don’t like to venture out of my comfort zone either.
Again, this is not a reason to quit. Sometimes we need to be uncomfortable in order to grow and get better at what we are doing.
3. When you haven’t reached a milestone
Sometimes you need to quit a business or a job. Determine the milestone you will make the decision at.
All the experts say it takes 3 years to really establish a blog. It would be counter-productive for me to decide to quit after two years. I would never know if it would have worked or not because I didn’t reach the logical milestone.
If you haven’t reached the logical place or milestone, then keep going. Don’t sell yourself short.
Conclusion: When Dont Give Up is the Wrong Advice
Sometimes we find ourselves in very hard circumstances. Whether you decide that you need to give up or continue do your best. Go all in on the decision you made.
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