How To Handle Mom Brain And Decision Fatigue

This is one of those posts where I feel more than I have the words to say. Do you know what I mean? You feel so deeply about something that you hope your words can really describe the depths of your feelings. Mom brain and decision fatigue go hand-in-hand. It really is a cycle, a vicious one. When I first saw the term decision fatigue I thought, “Yes, that is the only way to describe what moms experience on a regular basis.” And I’m not referring to too many color choices for a shirt.

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It is keeping track of kids, clients, home, and everything else overwhelms your brain. It can leave you feeling exhausted and thinking, “If I have to make one more decision my brain is going to explode.”

This leads to things like, putting the wipes back in the fridge instead of the ham. Or standing at the open fridge asking where the applesauce is and it is right in front of my face (my kids still talk about it). Or going through the drive-thru at Starbucks and forgetting to order. They were gracious enough to take my order at the window. Mom brain is real and it is understandable.

What is Mom Brain and Decision Fatigue

So what exactly is mom brain? Here is my unscientific, but mom of 6, tested definition. Mom brain happens at a point of deep exhaustion when your brain decides it needs a vacation and takes one without your permission. Typically, mom brain usually occurs right after having a baby because you aren’t getting sleep and there are so many demands from baby. But it can also occur at other times.

The next step in the cycle is decision fatigue. Your mom brain is so overwhelmed it feels like you can’t hold one more thing. Then the simplest decisions start to feel overwhelming.

I know there are so many memes about women not being able to pick a restaurant to eat at, which is true. But I think we just reach a point where we can’t make one more decision. So by the time the end of the day rolls around the simplest decision, where to eat, is too much to handle.

Decision fatigue comes when you have too many choices, it overwhelms your brain and hinders cognitive performance. For moms, all of these choices just pile on throughout the day.

Why does Mom Brain Happen

Now that we described mom brain and decision fatigue, let’s talk about why it happens. A few years ago, there was  post that went viral. It talked about all the reasons why moms are exhausted. It isn’t because they are doing everything, but they are holding all the decisions in their heads. The post went viral because it was so spot on. I remember reading it and thinking that it described perfectly why moms are so exhausted.

Let’s talk about 3 things that can lead to mom brain and decision fatigue.

1. All the little things

It really is all the little things that distract us and change our focus. But the little things need to be taken care of. For example, as I am writing this the baby is coming to tickle me, and I am also trying to keep her from taking all the diapers out of the box.

Or reminding your kids of the next thing they need to do EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Even though you told them the same things the day before and the day before that and the day before that. Or figuring out what to have for dinner or what you need from the grocery store.

It is feeling like you are constantly distracted from everything. Distracted from your clients and distracted from your kids. Basically, it is feeling like you can never focus on one thing.

We can’t forget all the questions. Yes, all those questions. You are constantly being asked big questions, little questions, and all the in-between questions. And they all require an answer…from you.

Here’s the thing about all the little things. They are important. These things need your attention. And when you add them all up, they become big things that need your attention. That is how they lead to mom brain and decision fatigue.

2. Remembering for everyone else

Moms we do this the best. Keeping everything running, on task, and showing up on time. Although, you may not be doing the task physically, remembering what the kids need, making sure they walk out the door with it (that’s always a big one), and keeping everyone on track is exhausting. 

Holding everyone else’s schedules and to-dos in your head leads to mom brain and decision fatigue. It causes you to reach the point of I can’t add one more thing to my plate or it will break.

3. You’re just exhausted

Yes, it is true. You are working from home and homeschooling your kids, you are exhausted. Whether you have older kids, younger kids, or your ages run the gambit, all these ages bring their own kind of tired. For younger kids you are physically exhausted, just trying to keep up with them and keep them out of everything. For older kids, it is more emotionally exhausting. And if you run the gambit, then you are physically and emotionally tired…all the time.

3 Ways to Handle Mom Brain and Decision Fatigue

It isn’t possible to avoid mom brain and decision fatigue. But you can handle it. Here are 3 ways to handle mom brain.

1. Handling all the little things

Embrace the baby trying to tickle you because this season is so short. It is ok to limit the questions being asked, or to give a timeframe on when they can ask. It really is ok. With 6 kids I am constantly being bombarded with questions, so I do reach of point of telling them they can’t ask anymore. And sometimes it works.

Routines for kids are amazing. This saves reminding them of everything all the time. I decided to give my second grader his school calendar because I was tired of him waiting for me to tell him the next thing to do. I also want him to start being an independent learner, so we need to start somewhere. Once he got that calendar it was freedom for him. He gets his schoolwork done faster, and I don’t have to remind him.

Focus in small bursts instead of large blocks of time. There are so many things you need to do that you really need to embrace the margins of your life.

2. Handling everything you need to remember

This is the simplest solution. Write it down, but write it down in one place so you know where to look every day. If you spread your to-do list across too many platforms, you will waste more time just trying to figure out where you wrote it down.

Use a planner, or a fun mom notebook. Use the notes app and the reminder app on your phone.

Set the expectations for school, show them where the calendar is, and what to turn in for you to check. Give them the freedom of responsibility and shift some of the things you remember over to them.

3. Handling exhaustion

Sometimes you just need to escape and take a break, and that’s ok. You are tired. There is a lot on your plate. Go for a walk. Sit for a few minutes in your room. Take a nap…if you can. Soak in a hot tub. Read a good book. This doesn’t need to be for hours on end. Fit it into the margins of your day. But be intentional about taking time to just chill.

Try not to over commit your schedule. It is easy to try and be involved in everything or want to be involved in everything, but you need to say no. You are your own time management trainer, so tell yourself no.

Start fitting a creative life into the margins of your day, for your mental self-care.

Conclusion

I read this quote in Steal Like an Artist, and it works for moms too.

Creativity [or being a mom] is subtraction. Figure out what you can leave out. The idea that you can do anything is terrifying. Limitations mean freedom. Make things with the time, space and materials you have right now. [brackets are my addition] Teach your kids to do this as well.

Sometimes we need to subtract from our lives, so we can enjoy the moments and seasons we are living in. If mom brain and decision fatigue are overwhelming you, then what can you subtract from your life right now?