A Mom’s Realistic Guide To Goal Setting (Part 1)

When you hear the words goal setting what feelings are brought to the surface? Excitement? Expectation? Eagerness? Or dread? Trepidation? Dismay?

There are so many goal setting systems that everyone says are foolproof. “Just do this and you to will accomplish your goals every time.”

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A few years ago, my husband and I were dragged down the rabbit hole of goal setting. We were promised that if we just followed these steps, we would totally crush our goals. So we paid the exorbitant price for the class, watched it from start to finish, set up our Evernote notebooks (I hate Evernote by the way), and started with enthusiasm to take on the world and conquer it (after coffee, of course).

You probably can guess what happened next. March rolled around, and I was so far behind on my written goals that there wasn’t any way that I would catch up. So I had to let the list go. Let the goals go. And let the idea of accomplishing everything, go.

Amidst all of this letting go, I had an epiphany. You know the sudden intuitive perception, insight into reality kind. It was this. The reason I wasn’t crushing my goals as promised was not because I did anything wrong. I mean I followed the steps. I couldn’t accomplish my goals because the system wasn’t designed with the mom in mind.

All of these goal setting systems never take into account the constant change that moms face. No matter how scheduled your day is, and trust me I plan my days or how organized you are. There is always something changing and shifting. So we need a system that will bend, shift and change with us, but not break when we need to shift gears.

Goal Setting Theory

The many systems—SMART, SMARTER, or Big Audacious Hairy Goals (can goals be hairy?)—of goal setting doesn’t take into account that kids get sick, and only mommy will work to comfort them. The trips to urgent care. Or the big school project that needs to get done, and only mom can help (when they were in public school). Or soccer season being added to the calendar. Your oldest getting a job, suddenly, you are taking him back and forth to work every day. These are mom things that you can’t foresee or plan for in January.

Most of these systems are for the well-ordered life. You can plan your year out in January, and you will only need to make minor adjustments throughout the year. I don’t know any mom, momtrepreneur, or homeschooling mom who has this life. Unless they have a nanny, or a chef, or a chauffeur. I could totally crush some SMART goals if I had a chef and chauffeur.

How to Goal Set for Moms

So mom, if you’ve struggled with the mom guilt of not accomplishing your goals and failing year after year. You are in good company because so have I. Before you sit in judgment, thinking that I am just not disciplined enough or diligent enough to follow through. Let me put that to rest, my whole personality is based on following through, planning, and accomplishing projects to the point of driving my husband crazy. But he still loves me.

If these magical goal setting theories don’t work for you, then give yourself permission to banish the mom guilt, and let’s figure out a better way to work at goal setting.

Give Yourself Permission to Zig When Everyone Else is Zagging with Their Goal Setting

It is ok to zig when everyone is zagging. I know that it can feel like you are doing something wrong. Or you won’t be successful because everyone says zagging guarantees success.

Will you zig with me mom? If you are tired of the empty promises and feeling like you are failing. It is time for a win, and let’s do this whole goal setting thing differently.

4 Part Goal Setting Series

All of this is to let you in on something I am really excited about—this series. I like to give you an alternative to the way it has always been done.

In this four part series, I wanted to write in-depth on goal setting because I was so frustrated with the process. And when I keep hearing the same process over and over it adds to the frustration. Like seriously frustrated to the point of thinking about throwing my notebook against the wall. But some of the best ideas come from frustration.

Mom, we need alternatives to goal setting that really focus on the mom life. That includes major upheavals that we can’t plan and sick kids (or even sick mom). We need a goal setting system that considers no good, very bad days. Or getting pregnant and being totally wiped out for the first 3 months that nothing gets done. We need a goal theory that takes into account that some days we just feel like crap, and nothing is going to get done. Because the best thing we can do for ourselves and our family is take a break. We need to put the to-do list on hold and just chill.

I’ve never read, taken a class, or seen anything that includes these unplanned events in goal setting. Everything depends on things going smoothly and just as planned.

We need to accomplish our goals. Yes, we need to get in shape. And we need to be healthy. We need to read those books and improve our minds. Everything on your goal setting list is a very good thing, and you will benefit greatly from accomplishing them.

But is there a better way? Can we find a system that actually works for moms? The answer is, yes!

Are You Ready to Zig in Your Goal Setting

Mom, are you ready to zig with me. Let everyone else zag, and if that works for them, great. But if it hasn’t worked for you. If you are frustrated and tired. Then let’s try zigging. You have nothing to lose, right? Zagging isn’t working, so what do you have to lose by trying something different?

Read more 5 Tips to Get Started Setting Goals in Life. Read How to Leverage Your Habits to Achieve Goals for Life. Finally get some practical tips with Practical Tips to Achieve Goals.