The line of girls are standing behind the row of blocks. We are waiting for the starting official to say those much anticipated words, “Runners take your mark.”
We pace back and forth warming up our muscles. The anticipation and nerves are almost too much. The adrenaline is pumping, and we hear the words we’ve been waiting for, “Runners take your mark…set.” He raises the starting gun in the air and fires.
The echo of the starting pistol hangs in the air as we push off from the blocks with as much energy and strength as we can muster.
For 200 meters we run as fast as we can. Our feet pounding the track. We are trying to pull just a little more speed than the runner in the next lane. We round the curve and head into the straightaway. Almost there. I throw my arms back and thrust my torso into the ribbon across the finish line.
I stand in my lane, waiting to hear my time. “Congratulations, you are first.”
I was surprised. The endorphin rush from a good run topped with hearing I am first was an amazing feeling. There is nothing like it. What can compare? Only the thud that came 5 minutes later when my coach told me the line official gave me the wrong time. I wasn’t first…I was fourth.
This is a completely true story. And it happened when I was on the track team in 8th Grade.
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Not Every Day Feels Like You are Winning for Life: The Messy Middle
As I was thinking through this post. I wanted to write about a memorable win in my life and describe the feeling that comes with it. This came to mind. I decided to write about it because it really illustrates what a day in the life of a mom feels like. The dopamine rush of winning that is quickly brought down with a loss.
It is easy to sit back and look in hindsight and romanticize different moments throughout life. But sometimes we need to remember how it feels to be in the messy middle. To go through the day just needing a win. So that we can understand what does failing forward mean.
As moms, it can feel like every day is a struggle. Especially, if you are a homeschool mom. I need to do more for a client. I should be doing more activities with the kids. The house is a wreck. I need to clean it. And on and on it goes. It’s like the annoying song that is on repeat in your head.
I am writing this in the middle of the messy middle because sometimes we just need to hear that someone else is going through the same thing. Yes, mom it is hard. It is ok to feel this way. Sometimes it feels overwhelming. You are doing a great job.
You know what you are never going to find this perfectly balanced and serene life. And that is totally ok. Let go of the idea that you just need to reach this journey and then everything will be in balance. You can ‘t obtain something that doesn’t exist.
The Psychology of Winning for Life
There are many days when I feel like I just need a win. There is a psychology to winning. Dave Ramsey’s whole financial program is based on this psychology.
“The reason we list smallest to largest is to have quick wins. If you go on a diet and lose weight the first week, you will stay on the diet…you need quick wins to get fired up.” ~Dave Ramsey, The Total Money Makeover
Needing to feel like we are winning is why we cheer so loudly when babies accomplish an amazing feat like rolling over or waving bye-bye. That is why babies will do it again and again to get that cheer of accomplishment.
As moms we are not exempt from needing this either. But it is much harder to feel accomplished because our tasks never end. Like doing the dishes. We finally clear out Mount Everest that has been residing in our sinks. That feeling of victory wells up inside. We want to stand on the podium while the national anthem plays because we conquered Everest. What we actually get is more dishes in the sink 5 minutes later.
We barely had time to revel in our victory before it was so unceremoniously stolen from us. And the cycle begins again.
We need to feel like we are winning at something, but many of the things we do aren’t measurable by a completed task, so we start to feel like we are losing more than we are winning.
How do You Nurture those Feelings of Winning?
What is a mom to do? How do we nurture those feelings of winning, instead of feeling like we are always failing. Or at least never getting ahead, just barely maintaining.
1. Embrace the small everyday wins
In the grand scheme of things, waving bye-bye is a very minor accomplishment. Yet, we cheer almost as if the baby has won a gold medal.
Just like we recognize these minor wins with babies, you need to start to recognize your little wins, whatever they may be. The dishes were washed. Dinner was made, even if it was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You checked everything off your to-do list. You worked out.
Whatever it is, give yourself a sticker, and cheer yourself on. You had a win.
2. Don’t let your failures consume you
I am preaching to the choir because I always focus on what I didn’t do or how I messed up. Or I got mad at the kids. It is so easy to beat ourselves up over these things. To a certain degree, we beat ourselves up because it makes us feel like penance for our failures.
When we do something stupid or make mistakes, acknowledge it, and, if necessary, apologize, and move on. You can’t change what happened in the past, but you can learn from your mistakes and move on.
3. Remind yourself that you are only human. You still make mistakes…and that’s ok.
Now don’t get me wrong, I totally recognize that moms have alter-egos and really we are superheroes. But sometimes our humanness takes over, and we have to keep things in perspective. You’re raising a bunch of tiny humans. You may be tired or more accurately exhausted. You may feel at your wit’s end. All these things can feed your feelings of failure or feeling like a loser.
4. Keep things in perspective
It is amazing how something small like sleep and food can change your outlook. If your emotions are frayed, and you feel like you aren’t winning for life, it is possible you may just need a nap and a snack.
Sometimes where we’ve failed and the mistakes we’ve made can loom larger than life in our minds. We need to put them back into the box of reality, and keep the right perspective.
5. This won’t last forever
This won’t last forever. You are only in a season, and that season will pass. And more than likely you will miss it. The sweet little smiles, the laughs, and being number one in your kids’ eyes. All this will pass, so enjoy the moment. I am telling myself this right now.
When baby number 6 made her grand entrance, it was a season of a very high needs baby. I had to figure out how to work and homeschool in the season. Let me tell you, the winning was few and far between.
Recently, a Facebook memory popped up, and all I could see were all the baby snuggles. But the comment on the post said, “This where she wants to sleep all the time.” I remember the frustration of not getting a moment even to sleep. But now I am missing all those snuggles because she is a totally independent two-year-old.
Enjoy the little cuddles and being the only one she adores because soon it will pass.
How do You Feel Like You are Winning for Life
I think every mom can relate to this. We’ve all had our moments. So what’s a girl to do?
- Write down one win every day for a week, and give yourself a gold star. Seriously, go to the dollar store and buy some stars. Start acknowledging your wins no matter how small they are.
- Consider the things that could be contributing to feeling like a failure. Are you too busy? How are you sleeping? Are you eating well? Do you just need to go for a walk? What season are you in? Are you in a season with a high needs baby or toddler?
- Tell us what you do when you are winning for life. We need to share our ideas with each other, so drop a comment below.
Remember, the days are long but the years are short. My friend enjoy them. If it gets too overwhelming take a break and enjoy a long soak in a hot bath. You will thank me for it.
Thanks! I really needed this 🙂